god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
