I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize