can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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