Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
