He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
