I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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