8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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