She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
