its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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