Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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