There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
