I'm going to jail i love you
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
