Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
