I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
