Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
