Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
