He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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