Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
