Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
