So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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