I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
