dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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