Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I will pee on everything he values.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
