i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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