I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
