My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
