Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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