Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
