drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
