the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
