Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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