im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
