there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She's the barista slut.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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