if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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