Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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