I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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