Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
