aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
