so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
