I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
