I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
