Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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