listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
