he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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