It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
