bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
