I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
