He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
