I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
