I am puke
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
