she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
NoShamevember. You game?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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