Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
