Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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