Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
