You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize