I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my being single is dangerous.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
