well I can't set my house on fire every night
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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