my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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