I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
