Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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