Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
