Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
