Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
